I know. It is the customary birthday post and one that is about turning fortysomething. Blah. But it seems like a right of passage, or something that I might appreciate 10 years from now when I turn 50 and decide to Google myself. Though maybe it will be called something else. Like Googlenator or Google 8.0. Heck, maybe the the computers will go nuts and take over the world so I might want to print this. (I digress.)

It has been one hell of a year. Oh, wait. That is my end of the year blog post. Ok, Focus. So, it has been one heck of a decade since I turned 30. And if you are inclined to keep reading, then you might get a laugh.

My 30s: The First Five Years

I remember exactly where I was when I turned 30. I spent the day traveling to my then boyfriend’s house, in a snowstorm, to get some things to turn around and head to the city for the night at his company Christmas party. Needless to say, my 30th birthday was a bust and so was that relationship. I ended up dating him for 3.5 years where he acted like an ass most of it, cheated on me, and where I spent most of the time babysitting his kid for free or taking him to the hospital because he was the most unhealthy person on the planet. Needless to say, I finally wised up (heck, I had turned 30 at some point, right?) and got the heck out of dodge. I ended up meeting, marrying and having two great kids with my hubby, not long after wising up. (But the hubby still knows nothing about Google though.)

My 30s: The Last Five Years

I spent the latter half of my 30s being pregnant and getting fat, and then getting skinny….ish. Then getting fat again and, well, you get the drift. Most of the time between being 35 and 40 was also being sleep deprived, like it was some sort of pre-40s hazing. Having kids will do that to you. I’ve also spent most of the time being hairy in the latter half of my 30s since I could never find time to get a wax, find time to get a haircut or heck, find time to shave my legs.

When I think upon the last decade, I guess it could be considered one of personal change. While my 20s was about life changes (graduation from college, then law school, then a new career), my 30s was about changing who I was as a person: I became a homeowner, then I became a wife, then I became a mom, (I became hairy too) and, I have to admit, I have lost my way a bit in the process. (Husband and kids can be a bit of a curve ball.)

Turning 40: Looking ahead

I am hoping that 40 will be a meshing of sorts. Combining my 20s and 30s into one hell of an awesome 40s. (And getting rid of unwanted hair.)

Getting rid of people in my professional and personal life is something else too. Whether ghosts of the past or current evil incarnations, I’m all about my 40s being around caring, kind working, people that really matter and where they feel the same in return. So if you are reading this and I haven’t spoken to you in awhile, well, you are probably none of those things. (Just keeping it real.) While I started off my 30s with people that I am rarely in contact with now, I hope I can say differently when I turn 50.

I’m also going to find more time for myself, so I can take more risks. I don’t mean skydiving. But more about creative ideas that I have for business. I also want to invest more time to my relationships. I don’t want to look back on myself when I am 50 and wonder what happened. I want to at least know, whatever life takes me, that I gave it my all in the capacity I was able to give to things and people that matter.

Turning 40: Looking Back

I don’t have the same intrepidations about turning 40 that I thought I should have or would have (getting old, getting grey, blah, blah). For example, I recently bought some luxury handbags that I realized, in a shallow sort of way, represented how far I have come. I think that is important to note. When you realize how far you have come, you don’t forget where you came from or how you got there. You also know to work hard going forward to keep it, and enhance the foundation you already built. I needed my 30s to get to my 40s (and I don’t mean that so literally of course.)

My Birthday Thoughts:

Reflecting upon turning 40, I am really looking for a new decade that I can shape into something amazing.

My 30s was about pleasing others. My 40s? Well, it is all about me. Me as a Mom, Me as a wife, Me as a Business woman, Me as a woman. But the factor is ME. I will be asking myself – not “What will You think of Me?” But what do I think of you? And not about “Does this please you?” But doing things to please ME. It doesn’t have to be as selfish as it may seem. Rather, it is an internal focus that can make you stronger and more loving for those that do rely upon you if you focus on yourself. And I will stand up for myself. (I’ve had some practice this past month with some nasty people.) Time to stand up, dust myself off, and stand proud.

So I hope my 40s is a decade that I can share with you. Whether I know you personally or not. This site will be a visual reflection of my changes – both in image, content and more. It is time to change Charlene Chronicles to one that reflects who I am really am, who I have become…and where I want to go.

Dear 40….It is nice to meet you.