Is it ever too late to have new friends? Especially if you are over 30 years old?
I find it harder to make new friends now that I am older. I have tried to reconnect with old college friends, tried to reach out to people in new Moms groups, and introduced myself to neighbors. But to no avail. It is like they have their network of friends and have no interest in adding another. (Though they may have a gazillion friends on Facebook.)
At what point does one say, “You know what, I have enough friends in my life that I don’t need another?” Granted with our busy lifestyles, it is hard to have a cup of coffee or spend a couple hours shopping, but when does having too many ‘real’ friends seem like a bad thing?
Each day, I watch my son foster new relationships. He walks into a room, checks it out and starts playing with another kid like they have known each other forever. It is easy for him because he does not have any preconceptions, nor does the other boy or girl. He is not thinking, “Well, I already have Lisa and Mary as my friends, so I don’t have time to make John my friend.” Nor is he thinking, “Well, John only wants to be friends for me because I have nice Old Navy jeans” or “He is just trying to know me so he can be popular.”
As I drop my 16 month old off at his school, and he runs to play with his new friends, I have to say….I’m a bit jealous.
I totally understand. It took me a couple of years to find my now best friend, and now she’s moved 5 states away. (the joys of military life) I don’t know if I want to go through the motions of trying to make new friends again. It is so much harder as an adult and I wish I knew a way to make it easier.
I think about this a lot, and it is definitely true. Making friends as an adult is so much harder than as a child. Whereas kids don’t really need to think about it, as an adult, cultivating friends takes a lot of effort. But I have found that when I push myself to reach out to people I really like — call them up, invite them to meet for lunch or coffee — it really helps to move the friendship forward. I learned this from watching someone I knew peripherally in my neighborhood. She was very proactive about turning our friendly acquaintance into friendship, and it worked! I realized that, as an adult, I can’t just wait for it to happen on its own. And, PS, I would be happy to have lunch or coffee with you anytime. 🙂
I’ve found that there is a definite divide between the people who are settled into a group of friends and the people who feel like they don’t have any. I am definitely in the latter group. What’s helped me a lot lately is finding other people who aren’t connected, people who are new to the area or whose lives are in transition.
It is kind of like dating again. I wonder if they like me. I hope they’ll email or call. I set up times for us to get together and hope they don’t find me too intrusive. But so far it’s going really well. In a week or two I am taking two new friends I’ve made and introducing them to each other and the 3 of us will all have lunch. I feel so proud of myself.